REVIEW: Cats (2019)
(Originally Published: December 29th, 2019)
There’s a perfect quote from the otherwise imperfect “Jurassic Park 3” that can be applied to this film, courtesy of Sam Neill’s Dr. Allan Grant: “Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions.” Well, ladies and gents, that’s a pretty perfect summary of director Tom Hooper’s film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical phenomenon known as “Cats.” The long-running show’s journey from the stage to the silver screen has finally climaxed in spectacularly head-scratching, eye-gouging fashion that I don’t think anyone could have predicted, but here we are.
It would seem only appropriate to talk about the story, of which the musical is sort of famous for not having. The film version follows a young cat named Victoria, who wanders the streets of London when she comes upon a tribe of cats known as Jellicles. Under the lead of Old Deutoronomy, they all compete in a song/dance content to see who will go to the “Heavyside Layer” (basically, Cat Heaven) and be reborn into a new life. Or something like that.
The best way I can describe “Cats” is that it feels like a bad British children’s film from the late 90’s that an American studio picked up and plopped down here in the states without knowing what to do with it. Hooper has shown his strengths for directing personal dramas such as the mini-series “John Addams” or the Academy Award-winning “The King’s Speech.” His forte, as proven with his 2012 adaptation of “Les Miserables,” is not big budget musical spectacles, his theatrical background be damned. His inexperience is on full display, as he incorporates unsettling uses of shaky cam complete with creepy, seemingly unfinished computer generated cat people.
The songs themselves aren’t exactly terrible. I actually quite enjoyed the “Skimbleshanks” number. What’s more is “Memory” remains moving but sadly my appreciation of Jennifer Hudson’s honesty and vulnerability is barricaded by the alienating use of these unfortunate special effects. Rebel Wilson and James Corden do exactly what you expect them both to do, though I’d argue Wilson was at least self-aware enough to make her “Cat Puns” on level with Arnold Schwarzenneger’s “Ice Puns” when he played Mr. Freeze in “Batman and Robin.”
It’ll certainly be interesting to see where this one ends up. Its awards-friendly marketing campaign was shut down following its dismal opening weekend. While I’ve seen many compare it to “Rocky Horror” in its cult-level awfulness (there have already been drunken screenings of it), I feel a more apt comparison would be to the film version of the “The Wiz”: a misguided, bombastic musical spectacle directed by a man more equipped for intimate, character-driven dramas.
The passion is there in some of the performances, but I feel that this was another attempt to make a “realistic, Oscar-baity musical” and if this brings an end to those, I’m all for it. As it stands, “Cats” is only proof that some ideas don’t translate to film.
D-
